Pee, Po. People, who need Pee Po. Sept 22nd

This was actually a big, big day. Although it's very hard to see the forest for the trees - it was nice to start to see some drywall on the 2x4. Rooms, for the first time, are really beginning to look like rooms rather than your average set for the Act II opening of Oklahoma. QUIT DANCING - I NEED AN OUTHOUSE! 062.jpg

Rich and Janice made an early start of things and began the prelim stages of Operation Po Carpet Replacement - or as we like to call it "Shock and Paw". Meanwhile, I surfaced from my late-nite blogging slumber and gave a certain person her first official Huntington bath (her previous bathing has all been at Grandma's.)

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU PEOPLE NEED A NEW SHOWER. THIS IS DANDY. po-bath.JPG

So then I joined in on the linoleum - which was definitely one of those projects that you think will take an hour - and takes the whole half of a day. First Rich braved the offending area and cut out the section that HAD to go because of weiner wee-er.

RICH WAGES HIS PERSONAL WAR AGAINST URINE-NATION cutting-carpet.JPG

Cutting a carpet out is tricky - IF you want to keep an area of it...which we did. It's easy enough to just rip out and tear with the carpet knife... but if you need to cut out a neat clean area (which we were then filling with linoleum) it's tough - becuase you normally cut carpet from the UNDERSIDE. But Rich managed it by going low tech - using scissors.

Before too long he had the carpet pieced out - and the prehistoric original linoleum we discovered beneath ripped out - and we removed it all in garbage bags. Which has to rank as on of Janice's less favorite renovation moments.

JANICE AND RICH REMOVE CONTAMINATED MATERIAL sjff_03_img1321.jpg

Meanwhile, despite being a good Catholic boy, Rich decided to observe the High Holy Days.

IF I WERE A RICH MAN...I'D HAVE PEOPLE TO DO THIS FOR ME. yamulka.JPG

So - of course that isn't a yamulka... that's his face mask. Actually - I did not know this - or I would have blogged about it before... but apparently one weekend when Bob was here, he and Rich had been wearing the face masks, and they went outside for a break. Bob slid the mask up on his head like Rich has in this picture. They ran into fake-Amish John (remember him)... anyway... Bob went back inside, and apparently John said to Rich, "I didn't know your father was Jewish". I can't make this shit up, people.

Measuring and trimming the linoleum took quite a while. It's a finicky job - and it we wanted to try and have the cut-off point of the new 'patch' fall in line with the edges of the linoleum's tile pattern. And THEN you had to factor in the thickness of the threshold which had to overlap the carpet and the linoleum to stick it down. It's one of those things that should be simple though finicky - but with three very tired brains - it took a while. And, of course, NOTHING in this place has a right-angle... so it's never easy. One really nice thing about this stuff - you aren't supposed to glue it down.... no mastic...nothing. You staple it along the edges - and let it lie like broccoli. Apparently they lay a lot of linoleum that way now... and this stuff is really nice. It's kind of spongy - not just that thin plastic-y layer. It has real give and it's very durable. AND it's waterproof on both sides...which, within the parameters of our Po Pee Prevention Plan, was a definite plus. So we laid it out and Rich stapled, and then I hammered his staples (which was kind of fun with the bounciness of the linoleum.... whack, boing, whack, boing. It's kind of like playing whack-a-mole except bouncy. Whack-a-kangaroo?

Things then got complicated. The linoleum was all in place and stapled and lined up perfectly. Now we had to tackle the whole finishing the edges part of the project. For the lines protruding into the room (rather than along the edges of the wall) Rich had to measure and cut the metal thresholds we picked up (that bridge and protect the crossover between the carpet and the linoleum). It actually was a stressful thing from the outset - because we had to decide whether we wanted the ugly brass thresholds or the ugly silver thresholds. Normally I would have said the silver - but they look very 'office-like'... and with the yellow walls and the browns in the carpet, we went with the brass. So they had to be measured and then cut at a forty five degree angle to meet at a perfect corner. Now, this was really hard on a number of fronts. Rich had to trim them with these giant tin-cutting-scissors that required a LOT of force...and therefore not a lot of control or accuracy. And because the metal has a kind of tilt in the middle - it's easy to change angles by accident and dent the metal at the center, kind of smooshing it. Smooshing is rarely good for accuracy. It's also really hard because these things are like only an inch an a half wide - so there is not a lot of wiggle room to line them up. You have to cover all the staples on the carpet and those affixing the linoleum... and you want to try and keep the threshold line running along a right angle... and all of those measurements have to co-operate in a way that allows the forty five degree angle you cut to meet perfectly at the corner.

Rich did a pretty darn good job. It wasn't perfect... but it was a really hard thing to do. When he lined it up - it seemed to work well... but I was concerned, because the points in the corner didn't EXACTLY line up - and therefore there was a pointy bit which kind of stuck out... and I was worried that it might catch a bare foot or tear a pair of pajamas... Rich thought this was a somewhat looney fixation - unless i was concerned that it would rip the chiffon on one of the long formal train ballgowns which so frequently will be worn in our living room at our annual cotillions.

JOEL FAILS TO CONVINCE RICH THAT 'THE GIRLS' STOPPED ATTENDING WEEKLY BRIDGE NIGHT BECAUSE OF HIS HAZARDOUS THRESHOLD INSTALLATION oscars07blanchett_hathaway_witherspoon.gif

So I took it upon myself to file down the point edge of the threshold so that it was, in my opinion, less hazardous to my, and Cate Blanchett's tootsies. I rounded out the edges of the points. So - we then put the threshold back in place and, because Janice and I insisted we should try and make the whole thing as water-containing an area as possible, we convinced Rich we should run a line of caulk underneath where the threshold would lie - to stop any Potential Po Pee from getting to the carpet. Unless, of course, she just pees ON the carpet. Bitch. SO - I ran a line of caulk right between the set of staples (the carpet-affixing staples, and the linoleum-securing staples). Then we placed the thresholds back in place to line them up for nailing down.

They didn't fit right. Something wasn't aligning the way it was meant to. And like I said - we only had and 3/4 of an inch on each side - for a six foot length run - and we had to cover the staples - and now every time you moved anything caulk went everywhere. On the carpet - on the linoleum. This was not fun. We then commenced a very healthy exchange of "this is your fault, dumbass".

"SO YOU MEASURED THE THRESHOLD, YES, THAT'S CLEAR BUT WITHOUT THE WEINER DOG YOU BOUGHT, THERE'S NO PEE, DEAR." itw1.jpg

So - after a good deal of Harumphing (we were all very very tired) we managed to get the damn thing down. And it was time to start nailing it in... and then I started nailing it and it shifted. AND they were those nails that have ridges that are designed to stop the nails from being easily PULLED OUT. Great. So we had to re-adjust the re-adjust. It was all-in-all a delightful hour. But then Janice and I had to team up for finishing work... caulk and moulding. You may have never been to Ye Olde Caulk and Moulding... but it's a charming pub in Shropshire.

I cut the quarter-round to run along the wall (to cover the staples) with the chop saw... Chop Saw - piece o cake. Angles on the chop saw - no problem! (I'm learning SOMETHING around here, people... it's like a gorilla with crayons. Wait long enough and they'll draw a masterpiece). So I cut the forty five degrees on the moulding (and it's this really nice white moulding made of a resin/wood combo which will stay - you guessed it - waterproof). Then Liquid Nails to secure it... squish squish. And finally a bead of white caulk (don't forget to MASK YOUR CAULK EDGES....remember, class??? :) ) along the top edge of the quarter-round for aesthetics, the bottom edge to prevent potential pee-flow-age... and then clear silicone caulking along the threshold to water-proof that as well.

And - TA DA - Breakfast Nook.

Li-NO-PEE-um

linoleum1.JPG

linoleum2.JPG

And we all - after we stopped being ornery - we all agreed that it looks really nice. It looks like we put it there TOTALLY on purpose - rather than some desperate dog peeing-epidemic. I really love the linoleum pattern... it's great with the carpet and the walls and our furniture. And the smell is SOOOOOO gone. And now, our little puddle-maker (who is feeling much better thanks to her tasty cherry-flavored medicine) has a safe place to pee - on a pad on linoleum - in case of emergency.

As if THAT wasn't enough of an accomplishment - we kept on keeping on. It was Back to the Bathroom - and the first matter of business was to set the vanity in the correct place so that we could start patching the necessary drywall areas surrounding it. Also we needed to be able to have the correct position so we could cut the concrete board for the tile floor. And I wanted to see what it would look like. :) So - with some tilting and huffing and puffing - we got it lined up. Rich cut a hole in the vanity base over which we could fit the plumbing for the sink... and then we all kind of did a Cirque de Soleil act hanging from the rafters and inside the vanity and in the window sill - and slid the vanity into place. And THEN we slid it back out again. Rich's hole wasn't quite accurate. In golfing terms it was a 'hole in none'. So - measure measure, cut cut, curses curses. And then back in position. Success!

Even though it had been sitting in that area for a couple of days... actually having that vanity slot into place was kind of a huge thing. Suddenly we could see the spatial relationships and really imagine the room. It was going to be compact - but bigger than our bathroom in NY - and certainly a million miles better than we were living with now. So - suddenly things were starting to happen.

WE'VE ALREADY BEEN REDUCED TO STAGING VANITY PRODUCTIONS vanity-project.JPG

We had decided that it was just going to be a whole lot easier to put drywall up on the ceiling of the bathroom - rather than try and patch all the gaps where old rafters had been removed... and cracks... and all that stuff. So - with Rich balancing it on his head... me standing on a chair... and Janice pushing it with a 2x4 - (a highly developed skill, as I later learned) we managed to hold up the sheets and Rich screwed them into every joist we could locate.

'RAISE THE ROOF' RICH ceiling-drywall.JPG

new-ceiling.JPG

So - by the end of the day... for the first time... the bathroom actually started to look like...

A BATHROOM!!! We're getting there kids.

Tomorrow - Houseguests! Pie-Oneer Phestival Photos GALORE!!

jo jo.